Love In A Void.

The week was spent at high speed after my Sunday delight. Unfortunately, I have no idea as to when to expect a repeat performance. But even though I cherished the moment and am utterly looking forward to renewing it, I can't help feeling a fair dose of defeatism. Despite O.'s genuine desire to help me out of my predicament - and I had proof of it a few nights ago - I really think I am - somehow - doomed. Forget all about convincing oneself to be positive for things to actually become positive - yet, this morning I finally managed to delete the fucking ex from my MSN contact list: a small victory! Things simply don't happen that way. I can't help feeling a bit sad about always turning up in the wrong place at the wrong time. Such encounters could have had a radically different turn had they only taken place in other conditions. Of course, such statements are void but still... Laying them down on paper - or screen - remains a means to express something, to spit it out of a constrained soul. But for as long as I can enjoy O.'s visits, I shall. And will resort to ignoring bitchy comments which on top of being gratuitous and judgemental, also were dangerous. Lucidity is a difficult exercise, no matter how or even if one is fully aware of the reality of things. Some little details always make one want to believe what one aspires to.
In vain. And no matter whether V., M. or O. seclude themselves in their unavailability yet giving out impercetible signs of perhaps, I have to realise that I seem to only be drawn to impossible men. I feel tired of waiting after the one who doesn't know or who won't take his turn of wooing or by the other two who nevertheless honestly tell me they're not to be relied one in that respect - yet will and actually are in others.
It's all a matter of space and time.
All is relative.
Love in a void.